Ramblings … Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

By the time you read this, Christmas will almost be here, and as quickly as it came it will be over that fast. Hopefully by now, I will have baked 30 applesauce cakes, wrapped all my presents, baked snickerdoodle cookies for my brother and enjoyed a Christmas party with my co-workers.

At this “giving time” of the year I was pleasantly surprised to learn that I was getting an increase in my Social Security for the year 2017. Since I didn’t get a “cost-of-living” increase for 2016, I was really excited to see how much extra I was to receive as I nervously opened the envelope. Seems the $4 increase that I received was taken away by the increase in Medicare. So I will receive the same each month in 2017 that I received in 2016. What a bummer! Thankfully they didn’t take away anything extra from my monthly check.

With the price of everything going up, how is a retired person suppose to exist unless they have piled away money in the bank or are already well-to-do and don’t need the Social Security check anyway?

It’s not that I don’t appreciate my monthly check, but actually after working 55 years I deserve what I get and more, after all it is MY MONEY! So at this rate I will never be able to retire, because I, like most people, can’t exist on SS alone!

All the talk about Social Security running out of money is the fault of those people we elected to office. That money should have NEVER been used for anything. It should have been left alone, but we ALL know that is not the case. Those funds have been continually used to finance other projects, albeit they should never have been touched. That’s what we get for electing people who don’t put their constituents’ welfare ahead of their own!

Bag . . . her!

Cats are funny creatures. I know since I used to be normal . . . 5 cats ago. But seriously, I’ve noticed they change their resting spots ever so often and they LOVE boxes, and small places to hide. Whenever I receive a box in the mail, almost before I remove the contents, a cat is residing in it.

I was talking to a friend the other day and her cat Mia loves boxes also, and had recently been living in one in front of the TV. Well the other night, my friend heard all this ruckus and went to find out what was going on. Seems Mia had found a box with some hair curlers in it and was rolling around on them. I think that would be kind of uncomfortable . . . but then I’m not a cat.
Anyway, later she heard a different sound coming from the kitchen. One of the cabinet doors was ajar and upon opening it there was Mia . . . this time she had crawled into a bag that was filled with those plastic bags you get shopping. People with animals save those bags to clean up litter boxes and so forth.

All my friend could see were Mia’s eyes staring back from amongst the plastic bags. I guess those bags were a lot softer than the curlers. Anyway Mia spent the night sleeping in the plastic bags.

That morning when my friend was opening food to feed Mia, the cat darted out of the cabinet to eat, turned her nose up at the offering and raced back to her plastic bag haven. How long she’ll spend living in her plastic bag world is anybody’s guess. Cats are strange furry animals. God bless them all!

And if anybody wants a cat for Christmas we have several living behind The Banner that we feed on a daily basis. Paul Clipper is our “cat whisperer” and invites one in to pat and sit on his lap. There is a beautiful white male, who Shirley has named “Snowball,” who really wants a forever home. He is very friendly and if you are interested just call us and we will get you connected. Also if you don’t like white cats we have a variety of others to choose from . . . come take your pick , . . they are ALL beautiful and in need of good homes.

Merry Christmas . . .

A Politically Correct Christmas Poem

by Author Unknown

T’was the night before Christmas and Santa’s a wreck…
How to live in a world that’s politically correct?
His workers no longer would answer to “Elves.”
“Vertically Challenged” they were calling themselves.
And labour conditions at the North Pole
Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul.

Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety,
Released to the wilds by the Humane Society.
And equal employment had made it quite clear
That Santa had better not use just reindeer.
So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid
Were replaced with four pigs, and you know that looked stupid!

The runners had been removed from his sleigh;
The ruts were termed dangerous by the E.P.A.
And people had started to call for the cops
When they heard sled noises on their rooftops.
Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened.
His fur trimmed red suit was called “Unenlightened.”

And to show you the strangeness of life’s ebbs and flows,
Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose
And had gone on Geraldo, in front of the nation,
Demanding millions in over-due compensation.
So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife,
Who suddenly said she’d enough of this life,

Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz,
Demanding from now on her title was Ms.
And as for the gifts, why, he’d never had a notion
That making a choice could cause so much commotion.
Nothing of leather, nothing of fur,
Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her.

Nothing that might be construed to pollute.
Nothing to aim, Nothing to shoot.
Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise.
Nothing for just girls, or just for the boys.
Nothing that claimed to be gender specific.
Nothing that’s warlike or non-pacifistic.

No candy or sweets…they were bad for the tooth.
Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth.
And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden,
Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden.
For they raised the hackles of those psychological
Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.

No baseball, no football…someone could get hurt;
Besides, playing sports exposed kids to dirt.
Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passe;
And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.
So Santa just stood there, disheveled, perplexed;
He just could not figure out what to do next.

He tried to be merry, tried to be gay,
But you’ve got to be careful with that word today.
His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground;
Nothing fully acceptable was to be found.
Something special was needed, a gift that he might
Give to all without angering the left or the right.

A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision,
Each group of people, every religion;
Every ethnicity, every hue,
Everyone, everywhere…even you.
So here is that gift, it’s price beyond worth…
May you and your loved ones, enjoy peace on Earth.
Thought for the week . . .
I have a little Christmas tradition I like to keep!
Every year I knock over the tree and smash all the ornaments just to see the look on my cat’s faces when they realize I beat them to it!

Sylvia has been at the Dorchester Banner for 52 years now. She can be contacted at eyeore@newszap.com.

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